tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post8102371158521251029..comments2023-06-10T08:37:15.879-06:00Comments on Obsidian Bookshelf blog: HT Write Physical DescriptionValhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16732605505724248028noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-39824846301781466012013-10-29T17:06:06.225-06:002013-10-29T17:06:06.225-06:00Jennifer, I like it! It is true that it is an elab...Jennifer, I like it! It is true that it is an elaborate description but that's okay because it is in the viewpoint of a boy who is hopelessly intoxicated with her, and it's realistic that he would take a long look at her and see all these things about her eyes.<br /><br />I don't think the description is clichéd. If you wanted to improve it, you would only have to trim out some of the non-essential words and tighten the whole thing and make it really succinct like poetry.<br /><br />For example, you could delete the sentence, "Not a hard, cold crystal though," because the glow of mischief you mention in the next sentence softens her appearance and takes away any perceived hardness as it is. The sentence <i>Shards of silver slashed through the blue like glass</i> is beautiful.<br /><br />I would suggest changing "They were almost transparent" to "Her eyes were almost transparent" because with this sentence following the shards-of-silver sentence, the pronoun "they" seems to stand for the shards rather than the eyes. This fix is just to clarify. <br /><br />I am definitely getting an impression of your character as a thinker with your allusions to gears of the brain and window to the mind. You have a fine instinct for similes and connotations. The main connotations I am getting about the female character is that she is good-looking and seems cold and reserved at first, and even intimidating (because of all the hard-edged imagery involving ice, shards, silver, slashed, glass), but the glow of mischief shows her true nature. Perhaps her depression is giving her a cold veneer, but the narrator can restore her to her true self through the power of love. :) I think my favorite part is <i>dark eyeliner and mascara</i> ... <i>like soot around a gemstone.</i><br />Valhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16732605505724248028noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-86318549302116898412013-10-28T19:39:18.098-06:002013-10-28T19:39:18.098-06:00My main character is a depressed teenage girl with...My main character is a depressed teenage girl without hope. She is described by the other main lead, a boy hopelessly intoxicated with her. I wanted to portray her as a thinker. I deep minded soul with questions and doubts. I want her to be seen as intelligent from the beginning, and have that foreshadow into her actions later on in the story. I described it like this- "<br />Her eyes were like ice. Not a hard, cold crystal though. It made her look elegant, with a glow of mischief that made you feel like you wanted to break all the rules. Shards of silver slashed through the blue like glass. <br /><br />They we almost transparent. As if I could see through her eyes and see the gears of her brain turning. Like a window into her mind.<br />Layers of dark eyeliner and mascara the defined the color even further, like soot around a gemstone."<br /><br />I'd love some feedback. I'm worried about being too cliche, but I want the description to be very descriptive. Thank you so much! Loved the article- very helpful.<br />Jennifer Corbetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16163461492837263001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-5412319668370273122011-08-09T12:22:24.089-06:002011-08-09T12:22:24.089-06:00Gwen, thank you so much! And I like your idea very...Gwen, thank you so much! And I like your idea very much about studying the captioned dialog along with the facial expressions on tv. It makes sense that if you put both types of information to visual (with the dialog going to caption), you could absorb much more info than if you were splitting your attention between listening and looking. Very interesting idea!Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-16725652291545324372011-08-08T22:25:19.349-06:002011-08-08T22:25:19.349-06:00I bought both your books on Amazon Kindle regardin...I bought both your books on Amazon Kindle regarding descriptions of eyes and skin. Wonderful! <br /><br />Here's an exercise (that I will excel at more now that I have your two books on description). I watch a movie or TV show with the captions on. There's the dialogue. Now how to describe what the actors gestures and facial expressions. Awgggh! I'd mimick the actor and say "How do I describe the action?" Turning description into dialogue-sometimes makes me see when its too much. But I do like a little more description than some readers or writers. I, too, love Michael Connelly--and Louis Lamore. Zane Grey used too much description for me--anyway, congratulations on your phrases and descriptions books!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-90705138508408945612010-12-22T20:33:38.715-07:002010-12-22T20:33:38.715-07:00Marauder13, thanks so much for the comment! I'...Marauder13, thanks so much for the comment! I'm very glad I could help with these articles. I know what you mean about seeking to refine the writing -- I find it to be a never ending job that always has room for improvement. :) Very best of luck with your writing, and seasons greetings!Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-83942273700023081332010-12-22T18:47:00.789-07:002010-12-22T18:47:00.789-07:00G'Day Val.
I had this post pointed out to me ...G'Day Val.<br /><br />I had this post pointed out to me by a friend, who like me is starting out writing as more than just a fun activity. So, I have been concentrating on the shorter end of the diction spectrum atm, writing varied types of genres under the Speculative Fiction umbrella.<br /><br />Anyway, I never knew just how a slight change in the way a character is described, either by the 'narrator', or by another character, could convey so much detail beyond what was put into words. I have tried to infer most of the details of the character's physical description, letting the reader paint the details themselves. But seeing this post, I can see greater scope for refining my technique.<br /><br />I am going to go through your blog, and find your website as well, and see what other pearls of wisdom you have secreted away.<br /><br />Finally, thank you for sharing your thoughts, opinions and ideas with the rest of us. So far, it has been a very useful contribution. I hope that you continue to spread your thoughts, ideas and opinions with those of use eager to see what there is that will work for us too.<br /><br />BTW, Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year to you and your loved ones as well.marauder13https://www.blogger.com/profile/14788839165667262094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-46332158908024188662010-09-18T17:54:15.606-06:002010-09-18T17:54:15.606-06:00Glad I could help. Best of luck with Darren. :)Glad I could help. Best of luck with Darren. :)Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-77558917294888152952010-09-18T17:35:19.433-06:002010-09-18T17:35:19.433-06:00Oops earlier I meant soft coal-like color. Hehe. F...Oops earlier I meant soft coal-like color. Hehe. For his hair I mean.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-74464084709656775752010-09-18T17:33:18.432-06:002010-09-18T17:33:18.432-06:00Wow, I'm an aspiring teenage writer so I see t...Wow, I'm an aspiring teenage writer so I see the cliches a lot and was so glad to find a website with creative non-cliched ways of writing descriptions. My lovely male character will no longer have 'Dark jade green eyes, snow fair skin and raven hair' but will instead have 'incandescent, happy eyes, the color of pine needles, a toned, tall frame and dark, hair, soft like coal and skin smooth and pale as fresh cream'. Haha thanks for the help, now my darling Darren won't be a flop!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-40193851761206649732010-07-18T18:16:00.826-06:002010-07-18T18:16:00.826-06:00And here it is: How to finish writing your rough d...And here it is: <a href="http://obsidianbookshelf.blogspot.com/2010/07/how-to-finish-writing-your-rough-draft_18.html" rel="nofollow">How to finish writing your rough draft no matter what!</a>Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-5389124888620633242010-07-18T18:14:50.826-06:002010-07-18T18:14:50.826-06:00Oh, that's good! Sort of a big tip-pooling res...Oh, that's good! Sort of a big tip-pooling resource of knowledge. :)Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-81062285066431324782010-07-18T18:13:11.878-06:002010-07-18T18:13:11.878-06:00sounds good to me. article's with several inp...sounds good to me. article's with several inputs are sometimes better than one.Stourmyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01196272943937321495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-34103016229914865212010-07-18T09:39:14.926-06:002010-07-18T09:39:14.926-06:00Thanks, Stourmy, I will do that (giving you credit...Thanks, Stourmy, I will do that (giving you credit, of course). It might be good to have an article where I can add every good tip I ever hear about! :)Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-52406095602837260872010-07-17T22:48:37.358-06:002010-07-17T22:48:37.358-06:00Awesome I can't wait.
If you want to include...Awesome I can't wait. <br />If you want to include my suggestions in it you may.Stourmyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01196272943937321495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-81273711012983083152010-07-17T22:14:10.981-06:002010-07-17T22:14:10.981-06:00Hi, Stourmy, these are really good suggestions! Th...Hi, Stourmy, these are really good suggestions! Thanks very much for sharing them here. That part about writing on <i>why</i> you're blocked sounds especially good -- you can draw things out that you might not have known, and it also builds up your momentum and gets you writing again!<br /><br />Hey, I'm glad you'll look for the post. I'm thinking I'll put it up tomorrow or Monday. :)Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-20248775218945275702010-07-17T21:10:40.688-06:002010-07-17T21:10:40.688-06:00By the way I am going to look for the post as well...By the way I am going to look for the post as well.Stourmyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01196272943937321495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-29250780015565646682010-07-17T21:08:00.106-06:002010-07-17T21:08:00.106-06:00I have been researching many different things and ...I have been researching many different things and come across things that maybe at the time aren’t helpful, but usually once I read or write something I remember it. I read somewhere that a good way to finish what you start or even improve you writing is to do it daily. If you find yourself stuck at a writer’s block in terms of the story, then write on a separate paper why you are blocked. I found that very helpful when I was trying to get my character moved from making herself lunch to the important meeting she had (I didn’t want to just “pull the curtains closed” and have her appear already at the meeting. I wrote in my notebook about why I could not think of how to get her past the kitchen and then several ideas that could work. In the end I used another character to speed the pace and make her want to get to the meeting. <br />I hope you can understand what I am trying to explain and that if you choose to try it, it works for you. (I prefer the M/M/F, but Val has the best info I can find so I am sticking with her cause she cool like that)Stourmyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01196272943937321495noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-74208632072533934502010-07-16T14:09:16.093-06:002010-07-16T14:09:16.093-06:00That's great!That's great!Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-25804767607915961272010-07-16T13:12:38.701-06:002010-07-16T13:12:38.701-06:00Cool, I shall look out for that post :)Cool, I shall look out for that post :)JDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-92068448639986184402010-07-16T12:18:52.919-06:002010-07-16T12:18:52.919-06:00Hi, JD, and thanks so much for the comment! You sa...Hi, JD, and thanks so much for the comment! You said, <i>"are there any tips someone as great as you could supply...? :D"</i><br /><br />Ha, ha! You flatter me. :D<br /><br />But, seriously, I know what you mean about that dreaded thing where you start beginning after beginning, and it's difficult to finish. Some writers prefer to outline things ahead (I'm one), and some would rather just write whatever comes to mind and make their way to an ending that way. <br /><br />But the thing to do is to keep writing no matter what until you have a completed rough draft. And how do you do that -- keep your momentum going and keep it fun? That's a really good question. <br /><br />I'm going write an article on it in the next 2 - 3 days to try to answer you because it's such a good question and I think I have a couple of different ideas that might be helpful. So, just keep a watch for that post, if you'd like, and thanks again for your comment/question! (And that's great that you like to write m/m romance fiction!)Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-83813127541973519992010-07-15T14:32:54.329-06:002010-07-15T14:32:54.329-06:00I only came online today to find a decent descript...I only came online today to find a decent description of eye colours and I've spent the last few hours reading through everything you've posted! I've tried many a time to write a novel but I reach about ten pages and my interest gets lost and I come up with a new idea which I then begin to write and the same problem continues to occur :/<br /><br />I think a major problem I have is that when i come up with an idea, I don't immediately begin writing it up because, for some reason, I'm a fraid to do it and I become majorly distracted. i.e. I give myself 4 hours to write something and I only spend an hour writing. Also, whenever I lie in bed, I develop my story further and, because I delay the writing process, by the time I've done one chapter I have a large amount of ideas. The problem with that is I then get discouraged from writing it when I have a rough idea of an ending because I no longer have the excitement of wondering what happens.<br /><br />I hoped that reading through your posts would give me inspirationa and ideas but at the moemnt I just feel depressed because I don't think i could write anything close to as good as what I've read :( <br /><br />Okay, so after all this whining, are there any tips someone as great as you could supply...? :D<br /><br />P.S. In case you were wondering, I tend, and very much enjoy, to write m/m romance fiction :)JDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-20950547294312137502010-07-02T10:54:38.607-06:002010-07-02T10:54:38.607-06:00Hi, there! That's so good to hear! Best of luc...Hi, there! That's so good to hear! Best of luck with your writing. :)Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-67551436818181292872010-07-02T00:04:00.826-06:002010-07-02T00:04:00.826-06:00I am teaching myself how to write novels and your ...I am teaching myself how to write novels and your information is the best I have come across in all the reasearch I have done. I will be bookmarking and returning time and again to fluff up my lack of romantical descriptions. (joy of writing science fantansy/romance.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-15737256584390837592010-01-18T08:34:59.570-07:002010-01-18T08:34:59.570-07:00Hi, Angelia! Argggh, I was almost choking on Hamme...Hi, Angelia! Argggh, I was almost choking on Hammet's fixation with nostrils and v-shapes and all! And yellow-grey eyes, whoa. I'm picturing a coyote or something.<br /><br />I would have loved it if he'd adjusted that last line a bit and just said, <i>"He looked like a pleasant blond satan."</i> I mean THAT alone would have grabbed my interest!<br /><br />And that audiobook description sounds like a riot! I'll bet you started snickering at the word "limpid". I would have!Average Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03955137026396047753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6937658685163119346.post-16662065330081399552010-01-18T05:39:29.509-07:002010-01-18T05:39:29.509-07:00I'm loving Dash Hammet's description of Sa...I'm loving Dash Hammet's description of Sam Spade at the beginning of <i>The Maltese Falcon</i>. "Sam Spade's jaw was long and bony, his chun a jutting v under the more flexible v of his mouth. His nostrils curved back to make another, smaller v. His yellow-grey eyes were horizontal. the v motif was picked up again by thickish brows rising outward from twin creases above a hooked nose, and his pale brown hair grew down--from high flat temples--in a point on his forehead. he looked rather pleasantly like a blond satan."<br /><br />Overdescribing will send me into giggles. I had to stop one audiobook after the author topped "limid emerald orbs" with a "midnight cascade."Angelia Sparrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04980408280435868479noreply@blogger.com